Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize