For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
