Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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