Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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