Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
