i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
