I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
