you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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