I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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