and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
worst night to have a conscience
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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