dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
