Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
