Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
