mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
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