If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
zippers are such a cool invention
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
