she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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