I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're making bets on your personal life
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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