she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
