no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
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I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
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Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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