I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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