I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
