Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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