Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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