Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
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will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
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I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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