I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
