JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Too much gin, very little bucket
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
