I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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