I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
