Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
