I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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