And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
