I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
smell my finger.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize