please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
