All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
