I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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