either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life