i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
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i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
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no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.