I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.