My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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