why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
