Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
