i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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