Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she peed on how many people?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm like, not good at living.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
