dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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