one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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