I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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