I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
