I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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