Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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