she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
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I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
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Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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