How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
