i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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