Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
