i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
In America we eat man semen.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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