and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
