Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
