There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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