am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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