i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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