My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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