shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
