Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize
