What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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