I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Randomize
