Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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