..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
