How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
