We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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