She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
