so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
