listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
