She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
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the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
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He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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