Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
