I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
