I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
