was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
