I will die if light touches me.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
